Bad News From Santa Claus

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NeverMore
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Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by NeverMore » Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:33 pm


A letter from Santa…

To Whom it May Concern:

Mrs. Claus and I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able to service the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only the northern portion of the United States.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. However, there are a few differences between us, including:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: “These toys insured by Smith & Wesson.”

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave a RC Cola and peanut patty (or a Moon Pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen…” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and LaBonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliot and Petty.”

5. “Ho, ho, ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves reply, “I her’d dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, “Back Off!”

7. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

8. Bubba Claus refuses to wear the standard issue Santa cap because he says it makes him look like a girly-boy. He has been granted permission to wear a white Stetson with a red band instead, as well as black cowboy boots.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
(Member, North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)

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The Duchess
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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by The Duchess » Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:08 am

Bah! Humbug!

I never get what I want anyway!

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Granny Lou aka The Duchess
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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by Murfreesboro » Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:37 am

Bah, humbug, indeed!

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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by The Duchess » Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:57 am

Murfreesboro wrote:Bah, humbug, indeed!
Just funning! Christmas is the time of the year I like best!

THE DUCHESS
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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by Spookymufu » Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:20 pm

The Duchess wrote:Just funning! Christmas is the time of the year I like best!
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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by Murfreesboro » Fri Dec 14, 2012 10:05 am

:lol:

I really love all the holidays, always have. To me, Halloween is the kickoff to the end-of-year holiday season.

Of course, Duchess lives where the party is just getting cranked up when the rest of us have to go back to work.

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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by The Duchess » Fri Dec 14, 2012 11:28 am

Murfreesboro wrote::lol:

I really love all the holidays, always have. To me, Halloween is the kickoff to the end-of-year holiday season.

Of course, Duchess lives where the party is just getting cranked up when the rest of us have to go back to work.

I love all of the holidays too!

But we have here in The Big Easy Mardi Gras I( early this year Feb 12th).

Then it is costume time!

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So far at my Lundy Gras party I have been Mozart, Monsieur Beaucaire, A Friar, A Mother Superior and Little Lord Fauntleroy.

This year I hope to do dress in a hoopskirt as one of my female characters. Possibly The Grande Aunte .

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Will post pictures either way!

THE DUCHESS
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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by Pumpkin_Man » Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:57 am

That was great. I live in Illinois, but I still wouldn't mind a visit from Bubba Clause. I would like a brand new Winchester 12 gauge shot gun with a slug barrel, a brand new Ford F 250 with a Cummings Deisel Engine, and 1000 achers of wooded land with a 200 year old mansion on it.

narf narf and Merry Christmas one and all!

Mike

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Re: Bad News From Santa Claus

Post by Kolchak » Wed Dec 18, 2013 10:42 pm

I'm related to Bubba Claus and you forgot #9

9) Get er done!

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